Parents, grandparents, siblings, and friends lit lanterns and floated them in the water at Riverwalk Commons in honour of the babies they lost as part of the fifth annual Wave of Light.
The Newmarket chapter of the international movement was started in 2018 by Liz Moore and her daughter, Sarah. Five years ago, Sarah was near the end of a healthy pregnancy and getting ready to deliver soon when she felt that something was wrong.
“She went to the hospital to find out there was no heartbeat," Moore said.
She said there was a complication and the umbilical cord had wrapped around the baby's foot, cutting off oxygen.
“Through that huge, significant loss we were grieving. We were shattered, we didn’t know what to do,” Moore said.
Through their grieving process, Sarah discovered Wave of Light and they decided to start a local ceremony in Newmarket. Moore said they thought "if we’re grieving and we have no support, how many other people [are], because one in four pregnancies ends in either a miscarriage or a stillborn."
The loss of her granddaughter, named Anna, wasn't Moore's only connection to pregnancy and infant loss. She said she learned that decades ago her mother had lost a baby, who would have been her brother, but had never been able to talk about it or properly grieve.
There has been a taboo around this subject for a long time, Moore said.
“People don’t want to talk about it because A, they’re terrified if they say it out loud it will happen to them and B, it’s so horrific you don’t know what to say to someone. Then you have the older generation who don’t want to look at pictures of babies and they don’t want to actually acknowledge,” she said.
However, she also said she has seen a shift, both in her own family, and in the community as a whole. The Wave of Light event is one effort to break the silence on pregnancy and infant loss.
“Because of my mom’s experience and now with my own experience with Sarah and our granddaughter, Anna, it really became important to do something where families could come out and talk,” she said.
Moore led the ceremony, which is held on Oct. 15 at 7 p.m. every year on Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day, with Wave of Light ceremonies happening around the globe at that time.
Monuments are also lit up in blue, pink and purple as part of this day. Locally that included Southlake's bridge over Davis Drive, the York Region clock tower, the courthouse in Bradford, Fred A. Lundy Bridge, and Riverwalk Commons where the Newmarket ceremony took place.
The event included live music, poetry, and local politicians attended to offer their support.
MP Tony Van Bynen presented Moore with a certificate of appreciation marking the fifth anniversary of Newmarket's Wave of Light and thanking them for their contributions to the community.
"We gather as a community to raise awareness and to remind others that grief and bereavement is an ongoing journey but a journey that does not need to be taken alone,” he said. “We can walk together side by side with love and understanding, never to forget but always to remember.”
Newmarket councillors Bob Kwapis, Grace Simon, Victor Woodhouse and Deputy Mayor Tom Vegh also attended. Vegh spoke at the ceremony and shared his personal story.
He said when his wife was about six months pregnant with their daughter, her water broke. They went to the hospital where they were told they would lose the baby and could either wait in the hospital or go home. He said they went home.
“We cried, we held each other. Then a day passed and a second day and a third day and still nothing,” he said.
They went back to the hospital, unsure of what was happening, he said, and found out their daughter's head had somehow plugged the tear in the amniotic sac. They were told there was a small chance that with three months of total bedrest they pregnancy could last.
“We were fortunate. My daughter was born, with health issues, but we were very, very fortunate,” he said.
Vegh offered his deepest sympathies and said through his own experiences he could empathize with the families gathered there.
"I know in a small way what all of you went through when we thought we were going to lose my daughter. The grief, the crying, the why us, the family coming together when really there was nothing that could comfort us," he said.
Moore said the support of the Town of Newmarket since the beginning of Wave of Light has meant a lot to them.
“We are thankful to be part of this incredible community who understands our collective loss and is supportive and committed to creating awareness of pregnancy and infancy loss. Together as a community, we break the silence and have the conversations about our loss, about our babies, and about our grief and moving forward,” she said.
At the end of the ceremony, the names of the babies who were lost were read out loud and others were remembered silently.
Participants had been given lanterns in honour of their babies at the start of the event and wrote their names on the lanterns. After the ceremony they were invited to float their lanterns in the water at Riverwalk Commons in a literal and symbolic wave of light.
Moore said the annual ceremony is the main event they hold to support grieving families, however, they have taken part in some other initiatives recently.
She said they have reached out to local funeral directors to provide cards with information on the Wave of Light to families who are going through pregnancy or infant loss.
They have also raised funds for two cuddle cots at Southlake, which are specialized beds for the babies who have been lost to preserve their bodies so they can be kept in their room with their families, who can hold them, and cherish some time with them before they have to say goodbye.
Finally, Moore said they have partnered with the Bond Head Women's Institute in East Gwillimbury to provide weighted teddy bears to give to families leaving the hospital after a loss.
“At the hospital one of the most horrific things, as you can imagine, is you’re expecting to have a baby and now you’re leaving with empty arms,” she said.
Moore said they have thought about doing other events as well, but it is an emotional process to plan. However, she said, knowing it means so much to the commmunity is what encourages them to keep going.
