Tantrums aside, doctor says adults have lots to learn from toddlers

Dr. Hasan Merali doesn’t mind when his three-year-old daughter, Arya, has a temper tantrum. No, really. 

The native of Copper Cliff is now an associate professor in the Department of Pediatrics, McMaster University and a pediatric emergency medicine physician at McMaster Children’s Hospital in Hamilton.

On March 19, he releases his book, a popular psychology work entitled Sleep Well, Take Risks, Squish the Peas: Secrets from the Science of Toddlers for a Happier, More Successful Way of Life.

“Toddlers get a really bad reputation,” said Merali. “One of the terms I strongly dislike and disagree with is ‘terrible twos’. 

“Temper tantrums are something they get a bad reputation for, because that's when they're loud. That's when people notice them. But this is, on average, five to 10 minutes of their day for the 11 to 12 hours they're awake. The other 95 to 99 per cent of their time, they're going around smiling, making jokes, helping other people laughing, playing. 

“That's what I want to bring out in the book, how toddlers actually spend their time. What are they really about?"

He said the behaviour of toddlers can actually teach us many things, including how to lose weight naturally, sleep better, build stronger friendships, improve teamwork, be more productive, have more fun and live a more fulfilling life.

Merali now lives in Oakville with his family, but is a graduate of Copper Cliff Public School and Lo-Ellen Park Secondary School.

He has an impressive resume. He received his medical degree from Harvard Medical School and Master of Public Health degree from Johns Hopkins University. His research focuses on child injury prevention in low- and middle-income countries.

Merali has published more than 25 peer-reviewed journal articles and his writing has been featured in Science, the Boston Globe, NBC, CBC and Popular Science.

He said during his 14 years in pediatrics, he’s made observations of what young children do, and how they would really benefit adults, if they were to emulate some of those things. Now that he’s a dad himself, he’s also seeing all of these things in his family life.

“I’ll say that toddlers are among the best people in our society in the way they behave, and they don't have that voice to share their best lessons,” Merali said. “So what I wanted to do was to share their best lessons.”

If he were going to pick two things adults should emulate from the behaviour of the very young, that would be laughter and play.

“Toddlers clearly spend a lot more time playing and laughing,” he said. “As adults, we want to have objectives for all of our activities, whereas toddlers don't. So letting go of those things and adding more laughter and play into our lives, decreases stress, improves our own well being and makes our relationships better.”

As adults, we become really efficient at filtering out extraneous information. Toddlers, on the other hand, are trying to absorb as much as possible, even if that means asking 100 questions in an hour.

“Not only does this help them learn, but it also is an important relationship-building tool,” Merali said.

And yes, referring back to the sometimes stubborn nature of toddlers, saying no is also an important lesson we can learn from them. 

“There's no one better than a toddler at saying no,” he said. “And if we were to learn some of these things from them, I think our lives would be better.”

Published by Health Communications Inc. (HCI) and distributed by Simon & Schuster, this is Merali’s first book, although he’s published research works in the past. 

“I started this book just after (my daughter) was born, when I was on paternity leave,” said Merali. “It's been nice because the writing of this book happened while she was a toddler, and still is, and so she pops up here and there.”

The book Sleep Well, Take Risks, Squish the Peas will be available for purchase anywhere books are sold. More information about where to purchase the book is available through Simon & Schuster’s website.