Being part of a project that gives support and dignity to victims of domestic violence has become part of the healing journey for Elizabeth Lightstone, the community lead in Newmarket for this year’s Fill a Purse for a Sister Campaign.
After losing her niece to domestic violence, the Newmarket resident was inspired to take the lead in her town’s drive to collect new and gently used purses and backpacks for women and youth in shelters and crisis centres as part of the annual national campaign that first launched in York Region in 2014.
In July 2018, 20-year-old Alyssa Lightstone was killed in Newmarket by Ali Nadderi, who was sentenced to six years in prison after admitting to manslaughter in Newmarket court more than three year later. However, he had 15 months left of the sentence to serve because of the time-served credit accrued.
“She was a beautiful girl and she was killed by her boyfriend and he’s out now and walking around in York Region. The Canadian legal system sucks, and they don’t take domestic violence seriously at all,” said Lightstone.
“It’s just absolutely ridiculous and yet there’s only so much you can do to help. And even though this isn’t enough, it feels good to be doing something — it’s just something,” said Lightstone, who decided to step up as a community lead this year after donating purses in previous campaigns.
While providing purses filled with personal necessities to women in crisis is a tangible way to show support and caring, Lightstone said it is the very visible kindness of the donors who put so much thought into filling the purses that has struck a deep chord with her — and provided some needed healing as she continues to mourn the tragic loss of Alyssa.
“I wept for the first hour after (seeing) all the stuff that had been put in the purses because people are so kind and thoughtful. This is part of my healing … this is helping myself and my children. Helping others helps you heal, it’s the only thing you can do,” Lightstone said.
“It's really heartwarming to see how lovely people really are, these are tears of joy that I’m crying,” she added.
While the purses are filled with practical items, from tissues to tampons, and the other essentials, from lip balm and gum to gift cards and gloves, many donors include a heartfelt personal note of support that is particularly appreciated.
“The notes, the support for these women, in the world today … it’s very nice to see that there is so much kindness and we need that right now,” Lightstone said.
Since the campaign began in Newmarket and surrounding York Region communities in 2014 with a modest collection of 1,500 purses being donated to a few local shelters, now more than 10,000 purses are collected across the province and in campaigns springing up in communities across Canada, said Angel Freedman, founder of the campaign that is now a registered charity.
“The need continues to grow, along with the number of people, community groups, and especially this year, companies who are joining the campaign to send a message of caring and hope to women and young people in need,” said Freedman.
A Vaughan company, for instance, is ensuring 50 backpacks will be filled and donated to Porter’s Place shelter for men in Newmarket, while a Richmond Hill hockey team is filling backpacks that will go to youth in crisis at the Sutton Youth Centre.
Now that the campaign is a registered non-profit, companies and community organizations are providing financial donations to help ensure filled purses and backpacks are going to those who need them. One York Region club has donated funds to fill backpacks for youth at 360kids, while 100 Women Who Care Central York donated $12,675 to ensure purses are filled in Newmarket, Aurora and East Gwillimbury.
“Most of us take our purses everywhere with us, but most women in shelters don’t have a purse,” said Freedman, a Stouffville-based social worker. “The Fill a Purse for a Sister Campaign not only provides women and youth a purse or backpack to call their own, but also the gift of dignity.”
The campaign has also become an important platform for creating awareness about domestic violence, she said, and more survivors are sharing their stories.
Three years ago during the campaign, Freedman said she decided to share her own story as a child survivor of domestic abuse.
“It wasn’t easy, I had to go over and over it in mind. But I had been silent for so long. When a survivor shares her story, it makes it real, it breaks the silence, the secret, and encourages others to also share. The violence and abuse does thrive in silence, but it’s so hard to talk about it,” Freedman said.
So not only is there a growing community of women who support each other by giving purses, the campaign has created a community that’s a safe place to share a story and that is tackling the stigma and shame around being a victim, she said.
“The purse campaign gives me a platform to talk about intimate partner violence, and it also gave me a platform to talk about my own story, so that others could talk about theirs.”
Local recipient agencies this year include the Women’s Centre of York Region, the Women’s Support Network of York Region, Rose of Sharon, Blue Door and Belinda’s Place.
Here's how to take part in the campaign:
To contribute to the campaign, simply fill a new or gently used purse or backpack with toiletries, sanitary products and other personal items. Add your own special touch, such as a scarf, gloves, notebook or journal, or a gift card. You can host a purse party or event to involve your family, friends, neighbours, co-workers or classmates.
Purses and backpacks must be dropped off by Dec. 1, when they will be collected and delivered to local shelters and crisis centres. In Newmarket, drop-off locations are Still in Style Resale Boutique at 203 Main St., Newmarket Toyota at 1171 Davis Dr., and Hair Mode at 1111 Davis Dr., Unit 19, 404 Town Centre.
You can find other community drop-off locations, as well as a full list of suggested items to include in your purse, on the campaign website here.
